Autism And Assholes read the book intro

Introduction to Marie Duke's book "Autism And Assholes"

Maybe you’re reading this book because you’re autistic to one degree or another and you do not like assholes!

Maybe you’re reading this book because a family member of yours is raising a child that has a physical disability,  autism, or both and you want to help or somehow begin to understand how they sometimes may feel while raising this child.

Maybe you’re reading this book because you’re a person with a child that was recently diagnosed with some form of autism or disability or both.

Maybe you thought you bought a book about raising donkeys and now you feel really stupid! (This book will be of no help to you.  Just walk away.)

Or, maybe you’re a mom, just like me, that’s been raising an autistic or otherwise special needs child for quite some time and you realize that your child’s disability is not the difficulty you face, but actually all the assholes you encounter along the way. Maybe you’ll understand somehow that I am not an “asshole” myself, but just a person willing to publicly blurt out some truths about how it REALLY feels.

I like to be truthful, I prefer to be blunt, and I love to laugh at pretty much everything. This book is a combination of all of these.  If you can’t handle a blunt comment, take a joke, or laugh at yourself, you might want to put this book down and go back to your knitting or needle point so you are not needlessly upset and tempted to show up at my house with a pile of toilet paper and eggs.

I am not writing to offend, nor worry if I do offend.  I am not writing to criticize or harm.  I am just writing truths and opinions about my own life, my own experiences, and my own feelings concerning caring for my son.  There are a lot of feelings and thoughts as a mother of a disabled child that go un-expressed in the interest of preserving sanity, keeping family peace, maintaining friendships, being allowed back into department stores, or just plain staying out of jail!  The basis of this book, although some will undoubtedly believe it is to rant, is raw experience and feelings in real life for real people dealing with something most people just do not understand.  This is not an informative compilation about the challenges of a specific disease or disability. This, however the reader chooses to perceive it, is meant to unveil some truths about those challenges that do bog down, hurt and cause discomfort and hardship.

Assholes definitely qualify as the biggest challenge of them all! (giggle)  You may luck out reading this book and find you have nothing in common with anything I have said.  You may however find that you also have such “assholes” lurking in your midst; maybe even in your own family.

Can I change the face of autism or disabilities with this book?  No.  No again, and Hell no!  Can you leave this book lying around for the last ignorant person in your life to read after you’ve left the room in hopes that they might STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE?  Yes!  I believe so!

Perhaps all that will come from any of my words is the mere understanding that you are not alone.  Perhaps I am writing this text just to discover that fact myself!

Anyhow, enough with the disclaimers, explanations and attempts at law suit prevention.  I will not spend the duration of this book wasting my own thoughts and yours with polite innuendo and socially comfortable terms.  Right or wrong, rude or polite, I hope you get a good laugh, an understanding cry, or at the very least a good fart out of some of this!

The following is a true story, but the identities and names have been left out to protect all the assholes.


Autism And Assholes      by Marie Duke

 

Day 46 in Captivity

Day 46 in Captivity

"Woooohooo!  Summer vacation is here!"  said absolutely everyone in the school as my son and I walked out the door on the last day of school to load ourselves up in the truck and head home for the beginning of the summer break.  All I could think as I headed out the door was "God please let this summer be different".  Upon bidding us farewell until next year, one well meaning teacher asked "So what are your big plans for the summer?  Any big trips?  Anything exciting?".  The other "more well-meaning teacher" standing directly beside her quickly nudged her into silence as my son and I left the school contemplating her remarks.

My son is non-verbal, completely blind from birth, and severely autistic.  He may not have been able to tell me, but I know him and his facial expression said "what did she mean travel? exciting? big plans?.....what are you and Dad planning to do to me that I know I will already hate?"

I, on the other hand,  am very verbal, and unfortunately can see far too well to ignore all of the ignorance in the world so my thoughts were, "Who does this special needs teacher think she is rubbing my "non-adventurous / non-vacation" summer in my face?"

Sensitive much?  Yes............VERY!  You don't have to tell me that my emotional response to that comment was an over reaction.  You don't have to remind me that this was simply a staff member attempting to be supportive and communicative.  You also don't have to remind me that it is wrong to assault people for making innocent comments that tend to grate at your last nerve! 

So................let's go back to the story.  I walk out of the school with my son carefully navigating him through the congested last day of school parking lot passed all of the hollering children, excited staff, bells, whistles and other very noisy non autism friendly incidents, only to get about 1/4 of the way to my truck with a child that is now in a full blown meltdown from the chaos. 

Oh hey!  I should mention that the parking area reserved for children with needs like my son was full of staff member vehicles at the time and my son and I were given an opportunity for some extra exercise that day.  (and many other days that school year but that is another blog entirely)

Ok......here I am 1/4 of the way to the truck, on pavement, buses, cars and pedestrians coming and going noisily all around us........meltdown in full swing , trying to inch my way with my now punching himself in the face / noodle leg son.  Alright, that's it!  Time to just pick him up and get to the truck.  Did I mention my son out weighs me?  So in my perfect squat, shoulder press into the child's abdomen, dead lift into a fireman's carry stance........I make my way with my son draped butt in the air over my shoulder while carrying his bags and last day of school goodies in my other hand.

Next step........entering the vehicle!  NOT!  This is when my son's "draped over my shoulder" position turned into the straightest most perfect plank you've ever seen.  You know it's hard to bend a child at the waist and seat belt them when they are determined to remain stiff as a board.  Wrestle, coax, sing, hum, massage, and about one hundred other methods quickly were employed to sooth his irritation enough to 10 minutes later allow him to relax, bend himself into a seated position and be belted into the safety harness and seatbelt for the ride home. 

I live 20 minutes from the school my son attends.  Most days this is fine.  This particular day..........THE END OF SCHOOL CHAOS DAY.......was definitely not.  What this looked like was I'm sure a video recorded by some cell phone toting face book posting person as the dumbest driver ever!  I drove out of the school parking lot, made it exactly 1/2 mile before the banging the head on the passenger side window began.  Alright I thought "here we go" as I pulled the truck over, arranged the pillows in a head injury prevention array, back into my seat I went and off I drove again.  Another 2 miles down the road the pillows enter the drivers seat by way of air travel directed at my head.  Next came his shoes which made a perfect bull's-eye on the back of my head one right after another.  "This I can deal with" I thought as I tossed the pillows back over the seat still driving trying to get as far as I could before the next imminent emergency stop.  Six more miles pass and the head banging began again.  Round 2 of pulling over, rearranging pillows, securing seat belts again, moving hard objects and attempting to sooth a very distraught child.  Back in the drivers seat I went for an attempt at beating NASCAR records and just make it home.  Maybe if I got pulled over it would've been a relief.  "Officer, yes, I'll take the ticket if you ride in the back seat on the way to my house so this child will stop punching himself in the face".  Oh.........punching in the face........I shouldn't have said it now, nor thought it then because that was the next phase.  Yes, the "there's nothing you can do about this while you're driving" face punching began as well as about 10 more stops to make it the remainder of the 12 or so more miles home.  It equated to what must've looked like some weird Chinese fire drill at Mach 4. 

I pull in the driveway hoping that Publisher's Clearing house would be there with my winning check.......or at least a babysitter.........ok.......at this point I'd settle for a bath and a cocktail but that wasn't going to happen.  My son noticed the familiar turn into the driveway and the ever so comforting bumpy driveway he took the cues that we had indeed arrived at home and immediately calmed down.

His face turned into sort of a relaxed and at the same time triumphant peaceful expression and I made my way with him from the truck to the front door of our home.  This is fantastic I think to myself!  He's calm.  The meltdown is over!  On with my evening!  This time I was correct.  The rest of the evening went smoothly, my son was put to bed at his normal time and life was good!  That is right up until the next morning when school no longer existed.  Rather...........his ROUTINE no longer existed.  I had 2 choices at this point.  Get him ready for school drive to the parking lot and sit there to make him happy; or................begin the long grueling task of day after day after day soothing a child unable to cope with transitions into "enjoying" life at home for the summer. 

Here we are 46 days after my story begins.  No trips to the park have been taken, no sea world, no Disney land, no camping trip, not even a trip to the grocery store.  The most that can be said is that my son is beginning to adjust to normal days at home with out the Monday thru Friday classroom trip.  He is beginning to feel calm about the routine he through the school year only experienced on Saturdays and Sundays.  He is beginning to warm up to taking small jaunts in the truck for an occasional garage sale or trip to the post office.  That's it!  That's as far as 46 days can take him!  46 days later he is still in mental captivity unable to adjust to the change.  46 days later I am still in captivity watching him struggle to adjust.  This is the same countdown that we have done every summer for the last 13 years of attendance in school and will continue to do for the next 5 years until graduation.

There are about 35 days until school starts again.  By my calculations, he will be perfectly transitioned into summer time living about 5 days before school begins.  So?  My son's terrific "do fun things" summer vacation will consist of the last 5 days of trying to cram school shopping, doctors visits, paperwork and classroom prep and visitations.  So to the teacher that unknowingly asked my son and I about our great "plans for the summer"  I can only say "You're an asshole". 

See you next school year while we take the first 2 months just to get used to going to school again.


RANT if you must, Rave if you must, but most certainly..........smile, laugh, and turn it into a sarcastic remark for someone else to laugh at! 

See ya for the next round! 

From the author of "Autism and Assholes" amzn.com/B00EKRNW7W