Carpet disposal

Carpet in the hallway?

Well there was a minute ago until my son discovered how to pull it up from the baseboard and peel half of the hallway up off of the floor. 

Oooooh!  Carpet padding!  Yummie! 

Quick grab the child, whisk him away to another room whilst he becomes agitated at the stopping of his newfound game.  Now the face punching begins.  Calm him down, prevent head injuries and sooth his stress with a fort (blankie over the head) his rocking chair, a story tape and a big giant stuffed fish pillow. 

Run back down the hall before he realizes I've gone and more unsupervised mischief can be had. 

Put back down the carpet making sure to step firmly with my bare feet on every piece of carpet tacking as I go.  Cuss secretively so the child does not hear and decide to begin speaking for the first time today and repeat the F word.  Trim off strands of carpet that he pulled loose so he cannot unravel the entire hallway later on.  Run back to the child in the rocking chair to find he is not in the rocking chair, but in the pantry eating 3 cookies still in their wrappers.

Bring him back to the office with his large pile of favorite things and try to complete the days work.  Turn just in time to see the desk just before it is completely pushed over as the little guy flashes the cutest devilish grin I've ever seen.  Remind him as I turn the desk back on it's legs that this is not a good idea. 

Go back to work with him seated 4 feet away happily humming and flapping along with his favorite foot massager.  Next it's the end table..........over it goes.  Stand it back up, move him over again, re-offer more exciting toys.

Now the head banging has begun.  Thankfully, God equipped me just before my son was born with apparently very quick reflexes and I get to him just as he locates the door frame and starts to square off with it using his head.  One more concussion thwarted and off we go for dinner. 

It's just time to give up on anything else.

12 slices of thinly sliced turkey, 1 fruit cup fed in alternate bites with the turkey rolled into tubes, followed by 1 cup of vanilla pudding non dairy, to be followed strictly by 1 cup of juice, 1 oatmeal cookie, and 2 marshmallows.

Now the pattern is full and we are authorized to proceed with the evening. 

My house..........My circus...........My life! 

From the Author of "Autism & Assholes"


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