I forget sometimes that I am familiar with the way my life is and the way things are to accommodate my son. He is 14 years old, funny, adorable, loveable, and courageous! He is also totally blind, intellectually impaired, developmentally disabled, and severely autistic non-verbal.
My husband and I took my son to his favorite place (and ours too) on Labor Day for some fun in the sun on the boardwalk and the marina. After a lot of exploring, visiting some "open house" boats (which he courageously climbed aboard like a pro), we were all starving and decided to give it a try at the steak house tiki hut type restaurant. It looked great because the dining area was outdoors and anything outside is ok according to my son. I think he would actually live in a tent outside if we let him. Since hunger was getting the best we decided to try even though he was unfamiliar with the place and it was pretty crowded. He surprised us both and did great! Well, we thought he did great anyways. I'm not sure the other people in the restaurant agreed and that's when I was reminded yet again of how little I remember life before autism and how other people just don't know anything about it at all.
We were escorted in to the restaurant, my son in his favorite rolling chair (his travel wheel chair used for comfort on long outings), and took a seat in the rear of the outdoor dining area after the waiter's numerous attempts to seat us close to the speakers and crowds. We rolled my sons chair up to the table and he knew right away "jackpot!, It's a table, that means FOOD!". So, out came his handy dandy lunch box from his back pack and my husband and I began feeding him while we waited for someone to take our food order. This is when our food server showed up. Well, we set him off right away because here we were in HIS restaurant with food we brought in with us. I gave no reaction to this since I don't personally care if it upsets anyone or not. My son cannot eat most things on restaurant menus and if they want my business, they will just have to deal with my kiddos lunch box! Next we really irritated the waiter when he found that we were ordering water and ice tea rather than the more expensive alcoholic beverages that lead to bigger tips. Whoooopsies! Well, maybe other people can have a beer or two and still carry an 85 lb boy around, but I cannot so I just stick to the water! Next the waiter becomes visibly annoyed when my husband and I each order the cheapest thing on the menu and state that we will be sharing the fries with our son off of our plates.
Then my son had eaten his prepared meal inside his lunch box one bite at a time as we'd fed him thousands of times before and he decided he was done sitting in his rolling chair and began to slide out from under the seat belt and down onto the floor to relax. No big deal! We allowed this because if we didn't it could mean we would be leaving the restaurant long before our food even arrived. He was happy, quiet, and calm so he was permitted to slip down to the floor, sit cross legged and rock while he awaited the treasured French fries. I looked up from my conversation with my husband and realized the eyes that were starting to gaze at my son from all around the dining area. Yep! We had their attention now! I was in amazement at why considering there were children running all over the outdoor dance floor and some screaming and yelling while they chasedeach other around. No one was staring at them.. .No, they just wanted to stare at my son that was sitting quietly on the floor under the table.
Then the food arrived and the disgusted waiter glared at me and my son while he asked if there was anything else we needed. I thought about saying "a polite waiter", but I bit my tongue, smiled and said we were fine.
My son smelled the French fries immediately and his little hand reached up above his head probing around the table to find them. Well, this is tricky since French fries always come scalding hot even though the delicious aroma has already reached his nose! Now he becomes upset because he cannot have them yet so he takes his arms out of his shirt in protest. My husband reaches down and reminds him that he cannot take his shirt off in the restaurant and he allows his arms to be put back into the shirt..........momentarily. He rethinks the situation and then reaches down to remove the pants. Nope! That won't work either, my husband reminds him as he pulls the pants back up. So the fries cooled down, the audience......I mean, um, other restaurant diners, are all watching as my son climbs back into his chair and starts eating his fries. The attempt was made at one fry at a time until he reached further than we both thought he could and grabbed the whole stack with both hands and starting shoving them all in him mouth at once. This is pretty normal, and it is discouraged, but hey.....the meltdown that would ensue over removing some of them from his mouth or his hands at this point would draw a much bigger audience than the one we had going now so we let it slide this time. Alright, so here we were, our son's mouth completely full with French fries, his shirt only on half way, his shoes kicked off sitting and enjoying our dinner. What's the deal? There are children running amuck all over the restaurant and everyone is still staring at my son! I laugh at this because it is typical. He is behaving himself, and trying very hard to cope, yet all anyone can see is what is different about him from the other children. Never mind that no other parent is even trying to watch their children. Never mind the fact that my son has not even made a sound. Not one squeal, not one meltdown; just patiently eating his fries and rocking gently in his chair. It is such a shame that no one realized what an accomplishment this was!
My husband and I just looked at each other with the silent understanding that we always have ; They just don't get it!
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