Shutting Down Begins

 

It's only the third day of school and already my son has begun to shut down.  He does not want to leave his room in the mornings and get into the bath that he normally loves.  He does not want to go to the breakfast table and eat his favorite food.  He does not want to get dressed (ok, that part's normal) and he doesn't want to walk to the car and go to school.  Once at the school, he becomes frustrated and passive resistant about going into the building or even getting out of the car. 

 

This is different from his behavior all summer long.  This is even different from his behavior on the first day of school.  What do I think the problem is?  Well, how about the fact that on the first day despite all of my husband and I's requests to give him a few days to "adjust" the teacher felt it appropriate to take him to the loud school pep rally?  How about the fact that out of 3 and sometimes 5 adults in the room my son is either completely alone or all of them are trying to work with him at the same time?  How about the fact that my son is severely autistic and blind and none of the other kids in the class share his frustration with loud chaotic noise so the teacher turns up loud music for hours at a time?

 

Why is it that the school staff feels they know my son and what he needs better than I do?  Why do they have the right to go against his I.E.P.'s and ARDs and advice from outside specialists brought in to evaluate?  Why is it that they think they are above taking advice from his parents about how to approach him and how to help him thrive? 

 

How is it that a teacher and two "specialists" when I show up at school and find my son bouncing nervously in a corner can tell me "he's just fine, he's been happy like that all day!"?  If they are so well trained in the dynamics of autism, why do they not realize that this is indeed my son displaying extreme nervousness, upset, and withdrawal? 

 

How can a special needs child succeed in gaining more ground every school year if the entire first few months or entire first semester is spent trying to remind the staff of the things they finally started listening to at the end of the previous year? After witnessing all of the sliding from the normal rules of engagement with my son in the classroom, I am informed that he has "digressed" some over the summer.  Excuse me?  HE has digressed?  Actually, no asshole, it is you that has digressed.  In all of your time spent with your non-special needs children at home you have clearly lost some of the very small amount of understanding you gained over the previous year.  Clearly, it is you who has lost the ability to follow the guidelines laid out for him by numerous evaluations and I.E.P.'s.  Clearly, it is you who has decided to play God and decide for yourself which things are important and which are not so important.  I assure you,  differing from the plan is having a profound effect.  You just do not feel it because you do not pay enough attention to realize it's impact.  You don't feel it because you do not come home with him and witness what the rest of his day or night is like as a response to your non-compliance with the agreed upon program. 

 

After fourteen years in the "special needs" system, I see this every year and most of the time it lasts for the larger part of the year.  As I walked into the school yesterday I was informed that one of my sons close friends that attended the special needs classroom last year had been pulled from the school by his parents.  A look of quandary came over the teacher's face as she told me this.  Her statement was "I guess the parents just decided to home school."  I thought to myself "why are you so surprised?"  Is it possible that the complete lack of regard shown by the staff for what the parent knows to be the right approach for the child finally made these parents realize there was no future in this classroom for their son? 

 

Every year my son deals with this differing from the program approach that the teachers insist on trying to pull off.  Every year my husband and I start with gentle reminders, then scheduled meetings, then very blunt direct reminders, then finally rescheduled staffing, ARDs and IEPs.  Why does it take reminding the school system every year that there are lawyers out there that will fight for my son to get them to get back on track with the correct methods.  Why does my son have to suffer needlessly for the first few months of school every year?  Why is this time not important?  When I think of what could be gained in this time rather than lost, I am saddened.  I am saddened that once again, here my son sits with my husband and I at ground zero with the same people that have been working with him for almost 10 years. 

 

Isn't there some other less vulnerable class that the school could assign these teachers to?